Why don’t we say what’s on our mind?
We don’t realise just how many thoughts and feelings we hold on to in our everyday lives. This can cause us all sorts of inner conflict if we don’t get a chance to verbalise what's going on inside. We keep feelings to ourselves for many reasons, not least for fear of shaking the foundations in our relationships. Many things go through our mind……”will my partner be able to handle what I have to say?”, “how will my boss see me afterwards?” or even “my friend might avoid me if I’m honest about how I feel”.
We might consciously hold on to sharing our thoughts with those closest to us only to feel the effects of those powerful feelings forcing their way out of us in the most unwanted moments. This underlying conflict can cause anxiety as we’re trying to push down the feelings we most fear. This anxiety can lead to a prolonged lower mood and sometimes depression.
Boundaried psychotherapy gives you a chance and space to, at your own pace, speak to someone who isn’t a friend or family but who is committed to helping you to talk about your most hidden thoughts. You will be given the same time each week to sit, unpressured and explore whatever you like.
Some people come to therapy feeling nervous, not knowing necessarily “what’s wrong” let alone how to put it into words.
Most people find that once they get used to the non-directive space, they start to embrace the freedom to say what’s on their mind. This can sometimes feel like you’re jumping around from topic to topic but everything you speak about will be important. Often people comment that they didn’t realise they were feeling a certain way until they hear themselves saying it aloud. The confidential environment helps the words flow. All these thoughts and feelings are inside you, maybe deep inside, and will start to emerge once you become more used to the process. I just help you to notice the thoughts you bring up and help you to link them up in a way that is useful and meaningful to you at this stage in your life.
I’m prepared to commit to this but how do I know it’ll work?
Bringing the unconscious into the conscious reality of the therapy room can sometimes bring sadness or elation but either way, it regularly provides relief from the burden of fiercely holding onto your feelings.
All the parts of your current and past life are important and relevant to how you’re feeling today and each week we see which part emerges. The parts may feel dull, surprising, repetitive, dramatic but each element highlights something else about how your past and present has moulded how you perceive yourself and others. They are likely to have shaped the patterns you might have fallen into. We can’t change what’s happened to you in your life but one result of psychotherapy is that you start to feel differently about it given the insight that we will both afford it.
I don’t want to come to therapy forever
I mostly work in an open-ended way; your time is reserved for you each week and you can keep coming for as long as you find it useful.
You will know when it’s time to end. This is different for everyone, some people start to feel more robust, some find a sense of calm that wasn’t there before and others say they feel more whole. As the way you see your life changes, you are able to make changes and discover how to move forward; to look at the past, appreciate it and continue your journey in a slightly different way.
If you are interested in discussing how therapy might help you and want to know more about how I work, get in touch and we can have a chat before you commit to anything.